Bad beats, running good, running back to Saskatoon


Dapper Dan was a gamblin’ man
A slick card dealer out of Birmingham
He got into trouble and went on the run
To Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.
–author unknown

I defy anyone from  my era to take the Yellowhead Highway west from Edmonton to Saskatoon without the voice of Burton Cummings, mile after straight-and-flat-mile, reverberating  through their head off the great prairie, like a bad acid flashback, singing the iconic Guess Who song.

Until now you’ve read about the Meandering Maloneys great adventure from the Dame’s point of view– convivial, upbeat– but lacking the grounding of a male perspective. The Dude,who most of you know is a glass-half-empty-guy, notes that the wild rose is off the bloom in Alberta’s oil city. Old time Edmontonians are laughing off the declining  price of oil with been-there-done-that-shrugs while the newbies giggle nervously at any suggestion the boom is over.

The boom is still on at the Yellowhead Casino poker room. The 2-5 no limit Hold ’em game starts in the afternoon and goes all night. The Dame, who is not a fan of all-night poker games, tapped the Dude on the shoulder at about nine-o’clock indicating it was time to head home to the Grey Ghost. The Dude coolly negotiated three more hands to play his button and promptly hit the ignorant end of the Bad Beat, which unfortunately is capped in Alberta. Still, a nice to start the trip with some Alberta money in the jeans.

Highway 16 East cuts through the prairie like an asphalt anaconda, its head always out of sight over the distant horizon. Weird whistling aside,,the Mean Towing  Machine has performed admirably, pulling the Grey Ghost with a belligerent diesel snarl. Riding the snake. Running smooth all the way to Saskatoon.

House of Cards

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Weird whistling sounds and a BIG egg

              Do I need a passport?

It now feels real. This traveling thing. So far we’ve been taking baby steps. A few days camping in Osoyoos, the idea of home so close. Then off to Edmonton – friends, family, home-cooked meals by Mom, a few golf games, hey we can do this.

As we cross the border into Saskatchewan, the whistling starts. This weird high-pitched sound that makes the dog cock his head in confusion. We continuously open and close the back truck window to confirm the sound is still there and secretly hope it will just go away. To calm our nerves and give the truck a chance to smarten up, we stop to eat and see The Egg. You know the egg or more correctly “Pysanka”, it’s what put Vegreville Alberta on the map (that and really great French toast at the Albert’s restaurant but that could just be me).

Stomach’s full, Egg viewed and photographed we stop at a mechanic’s shop in town. We need the mechanic, between the two of us we can barely fill the vehicle with gas and get the trailer hitched up. The mechanic advises something will indeed have to be done, something about pistons, air flow, yada, yada, yada, but the whistling does not pose imminent danger. Get it checked in Saskatoon, the city of bridges and apparently mechanical whistling guru’s.

Getting to the Gordon Howe RV park in the centre of Saskatoon in rush hour traffic. Now that poses imminent danger.

Carved Miranda enjoys the worlds largest Ukrainian Egg

Carved Miranda enjoys the world’s largest Pysanka

The Dog asks if the Egg is as big as his head

The Dog asks if the Egg is as big as his head

Hmmm, did someone say golf

Golf is a cruel sport, made crueler by the fact that you have absolutely no one to blame but yourself for whatever the final tally is on the scorecard.

All my family members are better golfers than me (except you DWB bless your heart), the Dude is a better golfer than me, despite taking up the sport about 7 years ago and having a swing that resembles the line in the hokey-pokey song where you “turn yourself around”.

Golf, that evil, insidious sport, gets in your blood. You can go from zero to hero in the space of the 7th and 8th hole. You can have Cheezies and a Diet Pepsi for your mid-game lunch and NOBODY cares, it’s fantastic.

Now which of my family is the best golfer…hey I said I was a bad golfer, not crazy.

Number one son takes a swing in Stony Plain

The Dude ponders his next shot

The Dame works on her form

The Zen of dog walking

The pier at dawn Lois Hole Provincial Park

I gotta peaceful easy feeling….

….and the dawn’s early light

Meandering has meant a change in the Dame and Dog routine. Having a big field next door made it easy, out the front door he went, business completed, all good. You’ve gotta plan things now. Like potential routes, like your appearance, tattered sweat pants and a hoody doesn’t cut it in the RV world. Windbreakers, shorts and logo’d t-shirts of where you’ve been. The Dog is easy, give him a light post, a patch of grass and some random dog’s butt to sniff and he’s happy.

But something magical happened the other morning when we set out to find the right light post and grass patch. We found Zen along the Sturgeon river. Is that where Zen has been hiding you’re probably asking yourselves and friends I do believe it has been. It’s quiet, it has birds, lot’s of them, all singing merrily in the morning and do you know even though I hadn’t had my first coffee of the day yet. I enjoyed it, every single chirp, tweet and caw. It was peaceful, beautiful and strangely moving. So Alberta, I forgive you for the snow, the Oiler’s however, I can’t forgive.

Was the election a snow job?

I’m sure my youngest brother Wee Willie will say the snow today is retribution by the heavens for electing an NDP government in Alberta. I think it’s actually a test. A test to see how we react to crisis, a crisis of no heat and a snow storm outside our house on wheels. We did what anyone would do, use our lifeline, call an expert. Thanks Ken, who knew that you have to click on the “gas heat” button on the thermostat and that the electric heat was actually linked to the air conditioning. Now if I had only packed my boots.

The calm before the storm

The calm before the storm

Lunch on the picnic table anyone?

Lunch on the picnic table anyone?

Mine’s bigger than yours

Artsy Photo of trees because we're from BC

Artsy Photo of trees because we’re from BC

Okay, they say everything is bigger in Alberta, or is it Texas? Either way, the RV park we are staying at has a whole lot of massive motorhomes taking up real estate here. The BC plates don’t help, they already think we’re granola eating, pot-smoking, NDP-loving commies here, having a small unit isn’t helping. At least our dog is bigger than theirs.

Working out the big trip bugs

An Okanagan sunset from N'kmip campground

An Okanagan sunset from N’kmip campground

Dexter enjoys some beach time in Osoyoos

Dexter enjoys some beach time in Osoyoos

Carved Miranda enjoys one last look at N'kmip RV Park

Carved Miranda enjoys one last look at N’kmip RV Park

It's all good, The Dog keeps watch on the home on wheels

It’s all good, The Dog keeps watch on the home on wheels

When you’re planning on traveling thousands of miles in a house on wheels, it’s a good idea to take it out for a spin, kick the tires a few times. We have, we did and with the help of Tim at Summerland RV who is a business owner by day and the Dude’s arch nemesis in card and crib games helped the Maloney clan out with a little love on some broken bits on the RV. Osoyoos was the chosen spot for the dry run and really folks if you have to spend time somewhere in the spring with a cold bevvy in hand, the N’kmip camping resort is the place to do it. Onwards we go, off to Edmonton to say fare thee well to the famdamily on both sides..

Every journey starts with a first step

Step 1 – decide you’re going to leave your perfectly wonderful life in the Okanagan behind for a year and set out in a 250 square foot house on wheels across Canada and the US.

Step 2 – rethink Step 1 and ask yourselves if you have completely lost your minds.

Step 3 – say what the hell and lease out your house, leave your job and friends behind, pack up all your belongings and head out on the road like a couple of gentrified Clampetts with your dog in tow.

Step 4 – set up your travel blog so all your friends and relatives can place bets on which of you will be the first to have an epic travel meltdown.

Place your bets, let the games begin!!!

kaleden8