We needed a hero in a white hat

November 12, 2016December 5, 2016 / The Meanderers Musings / Leave a comment

Remember when the Republicans had leaders like this…

The 2016 U.S. presidential election, more than any other event in recent history, has left the world feeling disillusioned. People of all stripes and political persuasions, in far off lands and countries bordering the U.S., went to bed early Tuesday night and stared at the ceiling or pulled the covers over their heads not knowing quite why they felt so bad.

Maybe it’s because things aren’t turning out the way our parents said they would. Hard work pays off, always do the right thing, treat people with respect, decency wins in the end, things work out for the better, good triumphs over evil. All the do-gooder clichés parents worldwide have been imparting to their children since the beginning of time were thrown into question on election night.

The country founded in 1776 as a nation refuge for the world’s oppressed, a place where no person was better than another because of birthright, colour of skin or religious beliefs, has been for centuries a shining beacon of hope in a sometimes dark world. A country founded on the best of human intentions. A place to go to get away from evil.

Of course, we all knew it wasn’t really so. After travelling the U.S. for six months, I paraphrased Charles Dickens in a previous blog, calling it the ‘best of countries and the worst of countries.’ However well-intentioned, the founding fathers had no problem with slavery and ignoring the rights of America’s indigenous people, who suffered cultural genocide in the name of Manifest Destiny.

No nation made up of human beings could live up to the ideals laid out in the American Constitution. The world’s oppressed suffered from bigotry and intolerance after arriving on U.S. shores, but in a lesser non-institutionalized form. The immigrants knew in their hearts the impossibility of legislating the dark side of human nature and that prejudices were inevitable. But in America bad intent was not officially sanctioned by a governing force. They could see others of their kind working hard and succeeding and held out hope for their piece of the American dream.

And so it went over hundreds of years, with good eventually winning over evil, industry over sloth. Slavery was abolished after a bloody civil war and the horrible mistreatment of indigenous people was reduced to levels a country blessed by God could live with. It was an imperfect Union that fell short of the founding fathers’ lofty ideals but a country that championed individual liberty and freedom above all else.

In the 20^th Century, the little democracy that could, emerged from its isolationist stance to become the star of the world stage when American military might brought the First World War to an end. The nation came into its own as the world’s champion of freedom when it reluctantly joined the fight against the forces of evil in World War Two, its soldiers pictured in newsreels liberating European cities along streets crowded with adoring grateful crowds.

It was the dawning of the movie age and one-dimensional Hollywood heroes like John Wayne and Gary Cooper ingrained the image of the American good guy in the world consciousness. For children growing up around the globe, the United States stood for what their parents always told them. The cowboy in the white hat always draws faster and shoots straighter than the guy in black. Good wins over evil, every time.

For a brief while in the war’s aftermath, people felt safe in a world where the guys in white hats had nuclear weapons. Tensions ratcheted up when the Russians went over to the dark side and caught up, especially when Soviet ships laden with nuclear missile parts cruised towards Cuba and an American naval blockade. The world held its collective breath until the guys in black hats backed down. President John Kennedy came away as the free world’s greatest hero, the sheriff who stared down the gunslingers threatening the global community.

But with the sheriff dead by the country’s own hand, the world’s champion of freedom veered off course in the sixties, allowing paranoia about the spread of communism to overshadow the founding fathers’ original intent. Innocent people in a far-off land died by the tens of thousands, their blood on the hands of the guys in white hats.

With U.S. losses mounting and the nation being torn apart internally by opposition to what was clearly an unjust war, the nation’s leaders refrained from resorting to scorched earth annihilation of a far weaker foe and left the battlefield, if not defeated, then certainly chastised by world opinion with their white hats tattered and somewhat soiled. In the sense that the U.S. had shown military restraint and walked away without obliterating the enemy, it could be perceived that once gain good had triumphed over evil.

America began its next war of note on higher moral ground, ostensibly to liberate Kuwait, its weak but oil-rich Middle East ally. Most of the free world watched with pride as President George Bush Sr. told the murderous black-hatted Iraqi tyrant Saddam Hussein that his aggression in Kuwait ‘Would not stand.’

With overwhelming military superiority and complete control of the air, the U.S. made short work of the vaunted Iraqi army, leaving scores of enemy soldiers smouldering in charred heaps by the side of the highway as its army marched towards Baghdad. With Kuwait free and the tyrant sufficiently chastened, the guys in white hats pulled back on the military reins, keeping civilian casualties to a minimum, and brought the troops home. Good beat evil again.

Fears of a worldwide computer glitch aside, the 20^th Century ended on a high note for the country that had emerged as the world’s only Super Power. Russia couldn’t keep up with its military spending and the Cold War was over, and with it the specter of nuclear annihilation. Its white hat image had mostly survived the fiasco in Vietnam and its various intrusions into the affairs of sovereign nations, including supporting despots and its hand in assassinating democratically elected leaders who weren’t deemed in keeping with U.S. interests.

Keeping the world free sometimes required putting your white hat aside and getting down and dirty with the bad guys. Reasonable people could see that.

The first unsettling rumbling that things might not go as smoothly for the world’s oldest democracy in the new Millennium came in the 2000 presidential election. Despite winning the popular vote, the Democratic candidate Al Gore lost to Republican George Bush Jr. in the closest presidential election in American history, with 537 votes separating the candidates in the decisive state of Florida, then coincidentally or not run by Bush’s brother Jeb. The result triggered an automatic recount which resulted in litigation that ultimately reached the Supreme Court, which gave the election to Bush in a 5-4 decision.

The Democrats reluctantly went along with the ruling and an orderly transition of power ensued but a shadow had been cast over the democratic process amid dark rumors that the election had been stolen.

The implications of that Supreme Court decision will be reverberating through the world for decades to come. While the dovish Gore went on to champion the environment, Bush surrounded himself in power with conservative hawks who saw foreign enemies everywhere, but especially in the Middle East where they viewed the job in Iraq had been left undone by Bush senior. When 9/11 shocked the world and shook the nation to its foundations, the hawks seized on the opportunity.

The good guys had a new villains to fight and the open-ended global War on Terrorism was officially launched with a strike against Afghanistan and the governing Taliban who harbored Osama Bin Laden. But the arch-villain of terrorism escaped and the hawks turned their attention to an old adversary, the tyrant in a black bowler hat, Saddam Hussein.

In behind the scenes scheming to justify an attack on Iraq, the line between good and evil began to blur. Weapons of mass destruction were imagined and then used as a rationalization that would take the country to war on false pretenses. This time the army wouldn’t rein up short of Baghdad but would take the whole country regardless of the cost to innocent civilians.

Unlike Vietnam, an unjust war fought on the ill-conceived premise that creeping communism would threaten the world order, the second Iraq conflict was motivated by revenge and presented an opportunity for certain American companies, one of which had close connections to Bush’s powerful Vice President Dick Cheney, to reap huge profits. It destabilized the Middle East, resulted in the loss of hundreds of thousands of lives, displaced millions of people and virtually bankrupted the U.S. No one could seriously say the world was better off after this unprovoked invasion of a sovereign nation.

The U.S. wore the black hat in the Iraq war and the world began to view the country differently in the new century. The election of its first black president, with his campaign slogan “Yes We Can’, burnished the image somewhat but also brought out the country’s darkness as the far-right Tea Party emerged from under the rocks to hijack the Republican Party, bringing long suppressed bigotry back into the political mainstream. The far-right movement received financial backing from shadowy citizen groups with patriotic sounding names funded by top one per cent power brokers like the billionaire Koch brothers, whose father was a founding member of the John Birch Society.

With money flowing to the top one per cent and the middle class disappearing many people see their American Dream fading. Some believe the country is undergoing a slow-moving financial coup, in which corporations are the real power fronted by political puppets who do their bidding to keep their jobs.

Enter Donald Trump the improbable billionaire born with a silver spoon in his mouth who won by claiming to be the guy who’s going to make America Great Again for the working stiffs. The man who will drain the Washington swamp. Throughout the campaign he displayed an appalling ignorance about world affairs and a temperament unsuited to be Commander-In Chief of the world’s most powerful nation. By his own words he showed himself to be a braggart and a bully, a pathological liar, a misogynist, a sexual predator, a bigot.

He is so obviously not the person our parents told us should win. Not the good guy of few words whose actions do the talking. Not a person worthy of the revered Oval Office once occupied by Washington, Lincoln, Roosevelt, Kennedy and Obama. America you have let us all down. We’re pulling the blankets over our heads because the world has lost its hero nation. You gave us an evil orange clown when we needed a hero in a white Stetson hat.

The Clownfall of America

November 10, 2016 / The Meanderers Musings / 1 Comment

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With the election of Donald Trump the United States has dropped the veil of progressive democracy and exposed its true face to the world. And it is an ugly made-in-America face.

The country that claims a special blessing from God, and along with it the divine right to interfere anywhere in the world that it deems necessary to protect its own interests, has selected an unstable Reality TV star endorsed by the Ku Klux Klan to lead it in these dangerous times.

How much damage can a Donald Trump presidency do to the world?

In 2000, the American people gave the world George W. Bush and company. We watched as George W. sat befuddled, stunned and confused in an elementary school classroom as he received news that the first massive terrorism attack on American soil was happening on his watch.

Bush and his Republican council of not-so-wise men reacted by letting the perpetrator of 9/11 escape on a donkey in the company of a one-eyed mullah, then invaded the wrong country under false pretenses, destabilizing the Middle East and bankrupting the American economy in the process. They went on to preside over an era of Wall Street financial malfeasance that very nearly sent the entire world into economic chaos.

With hundreds of thousands of U.S. troops returned home so mentally and physically damaged that 22 veterans kill themselves every day, the true cost to the country cannot be measured in dollars and cents.

After eight years of Republican rule, the worldwide death toll directly related to Republican decision makers soared into the hundreds of thousands, with millions more displaced. At least with the first George W. presidency, it could be argued the electorate didn’t really know what they were getting themselves into. But then they elected him again.

The Obama administration came into power facing the biggest financial crisis of modern times. With calm hands on the controls and a reasoned approach to complex problems, Obama steered the ship away from disaster. He leaves office with Osama Bin Laden dead, the foreign wars winding down, unemployment numbers looking much better and the economy showing encouraging signs of recovery, despite eight years of ideological obduracy by the Republican Senate and Congress.

A reasonable person might think Americans learned something from the disastrous years of Republican reign and the ensuing stability and optimism nurtured by Obama’s Democrats.

Not so much.

In exit polls, 60 per cent of the 2016 electorate stated they thought Donald Trump temperamentally unfit for the presidency. Yet they lined up to vote for him anyway knowing the following:

*Eleven credible fellow citizens have accused him of the inappropriate sexual behaviour he bragged about on tape.

*He cheated on his wives and agreed with a radio host that his daughter is a ‘nice piece of ass.’

*He considers himself smarter than regular people for not paying taxes.

*His hidden financial dealings are so potentially damaging he is the first presidential candidate in modern times to refuse to release his tax records.

*He has so little respect for democracy that he refused to acknowledge he would accept the will of the people, “unless he wins.”

*He dodged military service during the Viet Nam war and later called into question the character of a war hero who underwent torture for answering his country’s call, because he was captured.

*He likened the sacrifices of Gold Star families who have lost children in the service of their country to the sacrifices he made doing deals for his own profit.

*He degraded an American-born judge and questioned his integrity solely because his parents are Mexican.

*He encouraged his supporters to demonize his opponent with calls of ‘Lock her up.’ and said he would follow through by putting her in prison if elected.

*He promoted a bogus university that is being sued by thousands of former students who say they were bilked by a scam.

*He said global warming is a hoax perpetrated by China.

*He called American military leaders losers and claimed to know more than they do about fighting terrorism.

*He praised Russian dictator Vladimir Putin as a strong leader who has done a better job ruling as an authoritarian thug than President Obama had done leading a democracy.

*He encouraged the Russian dictator to interfere in the American democratic process by hacking into the emails of American citizens and seized upon those same emails for political gain when the Russians heeded his advice.

*He stood on a podium in front of thousands of supporters and made fun of a reporter’s physical disability.

*He advocated for the proliferation of nuclear weapons to countries like Japan, South Korea and Saudi Arabia.

*He questioned the usefulness of the U.S. nuclear arsenal if the country wasn’t prepared to use it.

*He called into question the legitimacy of the democratic process, saying the system was rigged against him and that the media is part of a large global conspiracy that includes international banks (read Jews).

*He banned select media outlets from his rallies because of unfavourable coverage and threatened to change libel laws to muzzle the press if elected.

*He questioned the integrity of the FBI and then recanted when its director tipped the election in his favor with only days remaining in the campaign.

*Ignoring the constitution and the rule of law, he called for a ban on people entering the country based solely on their religion.

*He called Mexicans rapists and criminals and said he would build a high wall to keep them out and then make them pay for it.

Sadly, the above list, though long and tawdry, is far from complete when it comes to the flaws of the man Americans selected as a role model for their children. In the eyes of the world, the American people have lost any high moral ground they like to claim when referring to their violent, bigoted, gun-crazy society as the best country in the world.

In fact, it is a starkly divided nation, a democracy in which candidates for elected office further encourage divisions by isolating voters with polls that separate them by class, race and religion—White, Black, Hispanic, Asian; Muslim, Jew, Christian; working class, college educated; men and women–then tailor their messages to appeal to whichever group can deliver the vote in contested areas.

In electing a man born to wealth with an innate sense of entitlement, a man who lives with his trophy wife high in a garish tower that trumpets his name on the front for all to see, a man whose life has been devoted not to public service but instead to conspicuous consumption, gaudy acquisitions, vulgarity and narcissism, an opportunist who made his political bones questioning the first black president’s right to hold office and solidified his base with a message of hate and bigotry, U.S. voters have now got the man they so richly deserve.

It is not surprising that the Canadian Immigration website shut down mid-election due to the volume of inquiries coming in from south of the border. If Americans want to see how a truly great country functions they need only look north.

We Canadians, known for our strict gun laws, peacekeeping, racial tolerance, politeness and socialist policies like Medicare that provide affordable health care to all, look south and say to the Prime Minister of our resource rich nation: “Mr. Trudeau, build that wall.”

A Woman’s guide to rating The Donald

October 23, 2016 / The Meanderers Musings / Leave a comment

Much like the Fonz, Trump jumped the shark a long time ago

Is there any doubt that the man who delights in rating women on their physical appearance sees a 10 in the bathroom mirror as he sprays the final strands of orange lacquer over his balding pate in the morning? In the Donald’s reality TV world he’s a chick magnet, a virtuoso of virility, irresistible to women.

So let’s take a top down look at the Mango Megalomaniac’s physical appearance, absent his wallet, through a female version of himself and rate him on a scale of 1 to 10.

Hair. He can rightly boast that he has the most famous coif in America, but not for good reasons. He sports a thinning, greased-back-at-the-sides, too-long-in-back duck-tail augmented by a chemically cemented-into-place flat top comb over that has been likened to an aircraft carrier or a place to conceal small mammals. Running your fingers through it during a tryst is not optional without industrial strength rubber gloves. The indeterminate colour reminds one of an aging Miami matron whose dye-job at the discount salon went bad. Think Fonzie in a suit at 70, fighting baldness and the greying strands of time. Let’s be kind and give him a -3.
Face. Any rating of The Donald’s face has to start with the out-of-control eyebrows, so endearing on the aged late 60 Minutes curmudgeon Andy Rooney but not the love arches of feminine dreams. They flare in unkempt orange-ish glory over squinty blue eyes enfolded in fat, above a narrow nose and soft pink lips that disturbingly bring to mind the female body part he famously likes to grab. The facial failings are rounded out by neck wattles encroaching on a weak chin. In keeping with his signature garish taste, The Donald enhances the whole off-putting look by slathering it in fake tan goop. Factoring in age, he deserves a 2.
Fashion sense. The Donald strides through the corporate/political world looking disheveled in two thousand dollar custom suits, the ill-fitting coats of which hang halfway to his knees. He accentuates with silk ties long enough to suffer splash-back stains when he pees. His belly bulges between perpetually unbuttoned suit jackets and he tops the look at political rallies with baseball caps. Enough said. As the song goes, he’s a three dressed up as… well… a three.
Body. Not having been traumatized by seeing him step out of the shower with hair hanging to his shoulder on one side, judges are left to imagine what only Melania knows for sure. For rating purposes let’s picture him on stage at one of his beloved pageants wearing a speedo. Judges would undoubtedly see a pasty white body, looking ghostly in contrast with the mango mess topside, not with a six pack but instead something more closely resembling a two-four, his man boobs sagging, shriveled and petite in relation to the gut that is casting a shadow over his reputed shortcomings and hairless legs. If you aren’t eating, envision the Donald ‘moving like a bitch’ on a female 10, his stubby fingers groping and flabby cottage cheese bum cheeks jiggling. (Sorry about that.) Let’s be charitable and give him a -2 and award Melania a 10-plus for suffering through her wifely duties.

If I’ve done the math correctly that rates the Donald a zero, bringing to mind the man who throws stones from his glass tower.

The Christian Wrong

October 14, 2016May 31, 2017 / The Meanderers Musings / 1 Comment

A lot of people are saying that wasn’t a bible but his copy of “50 Shades of Grey”

Is there one person in all of Christendom who believes Donald Trump is a ‘man of faith’, other than Kayleigh McEnany, the psycho-eyed, crucifix-flaunting Trump sycophant, who without so much as a hint of a smile told an international television audience that the mango-flavored serial groper has turned his life over to Christ?

Oh yeah, I guess there’s also Liberty University President Jerry Falwell Junior, who lords over thousands of ‘students of faith’ at the school founded by his father, one-time televangelist Jerry Falwell. Jerry Senior also founded the Moral Majority way back when, molding the Christian Right into a political force before eventually handing the keys to his profitable earthly kingdom to his son Jes…. er… Jerry.

Jerry Junior told CNN anchor Erin Burnett Wednesday that he believes Ferret-top’s denial of the most recent groping allegations by two women who came forward in the New York Times after the second debate. As one ‘man of faith’ to another, Junior takes the world class dis-assembler at his word.

Ignoring all evidence to the contrary, including Ferret-top’s own foul-mouthed taped admissions, Junior remained adamant that the Christian Right’s savior has mended his ways. But when pressed by Burnett, he allowed that even if the allegations were true he would still vote for the old orange groper because there are more important things at stake than electing a sexual predator as President.

Namely, filling the vacant Supreme Court seats with the sort of jurists who support the causes of an unctuously self-righteous group of right wing nut-balls who would rather see the country in flames than have godless moderates in power. In their world, it’s the Christian thing to do.

Junior, at least, comes by his distorted view of reality honestly. By divine osmosis. In the aftermath of 9/11 his Dad famously told The 700 Club: “I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way of Life, all of them who have tried to secularize America, I point the finger in their face and say ‘you helped make this happen.’”

Fact check for Jerry Senior and his church basket of demented doughnuts, may his crispy, hell-fired remains rest in peace: The United States was founded as a secular country so that persecuted people arriving from oppressed shores could practice the religion of their choice. Or not. As they saw fit. The prescient founding fathers made a point of separating Church and State.

But what chance does a kid have at a normal life view when Dad is spouting this kind of ignorance at the family dinner table. And that is what is truly scary about the rise of the Trumpeting hate blaster. No amount of higher education or logic can turn the righteous from their path. As history has proven and their ‘barbaric brethren in faith’ in the Middle East continue to prove, no man is more dangerous than the one who is convinced God is on his side.

Still another ‘man of faith’, one-time Republican presidential hopeful Ben Carson, a brain surgeon no less, says he witnessed Ferret-top get down on his knees to pray for forgiveness after the sexist tape was released. Really Ben? You sure Vladimir Putin wasn’t nearby with his fly down when the Donald got on his knees, which seems more likely than him turning to the Lord, or anyone else, for guidance.

Carson makes three believers, and the facetious opening to this blog notwithstanding, there are tens of millions more believers roaming the streets of America armed to the teeth. During the primary campaign, Ferret-top boasted he could shoot a person on Main Street and not lose his political base. Frighteningly, this boast appears to be true. His sycophants would surely claim justifiable homicide, especially if the victim was Hispanic, Muslim, or even worse, his arch enemy Bill Maher, an atheist.

And that augers badly for post-election America.

Hitler lost his democratic bid to be President of Germany in 1932 with 37 per cent of the vote, with his anti-democratic Nazi Party garnering 230 seats of 608 in the Reichstag. Amidst back door maneuvering, political machinations, hints of a godless communist takeover and rumors of an impending military coup, the elected President Paul von Hindenberg, then in his mid-80s, reluctantly appointed Hitler Chancellor in 1933. The thinking at the time was that he could be better controlled within the framework of the government. Hitler succeeded Hindenberg on the old man’s death in 1934, abolishing the presidency and creating the new position of Fuhrer.

It didn’t work out well for Germany.

With the party of Lincoln imploding while its orange glam queen candidate campaigns on a platform of woman-shaming, scapegoating and hatred, threatening to jail his opponent if he wins, all the while inciting supporters with talk of conspiracies and a rigged election if he doesn’t, Trump’s church basket of half-baked buns are calling for armed revolution.

The Christian Right would put questions about Bill Cosby’s birth certificate aside and support him over Hypocrite Hillary if he guaranteed them their Supreme Court seats. Clearly, it’s time for ‘people of real faith’ to put the country’s well-being ahead of the narrow viewpoint coming out of this vocal, unhinged fringe element.

The world hopes it works out better for America than it did in Germany and that the people who never tire of telling the rest of us that they live in the greatest country on the globe live up to their own exalted billing at the ballot box on November 8.

Edging Trump in a close race isn’t an option. His dirty laundry basket of racist, misogynist, hate mongering, un-Christian crazies has to be tipped over and scattered to the winds of political history in a landslide.

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What’s new Pussygate?

October 8, 2016 / The Meanderers Musings / 2 Comments

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The New York Daily news headline writers are praying for a Trump victory in November.

Just when you thought the U.S. election coverage couldn’t get any smarmier CNN outdid itself with a three-shower Friday night shit show that left even casual viewers feeling soiled and in need of a sponge bath.

With hundreds dead in Haiti and hurricane force winds blasting the south Atlantic coast and the streets of Florida’s cities flooding, sending millions of Americans scurrying for cover, the network news hounds spent the night baying for the blood of an evil pussy-grabbing clown.

And who could blame them, really. Pussy trumps run-of-the-mill disaster footage every time. (Pun intended.)

On the day the draft of Hypocrite Hillary’ s two-faced speech to the bankers was finally leaked, her mango-flavoured, ferret-topped opponent stole her thunder with a decade-old command video performance, a disturbing sexist tape recorded on route to his appearance on a television soap opera with the weasel cousin and nephew of two former Republican presidents egging him on.

This stuff is so good Ferret-top’s role model and e-mail hacking election ally, Vladimir Putin, can barely tear himself away from his flat screen TV long enough to order more genocide in Aleppo, the city of suffering that became a social media punchline when Libertarian presidential candidate Gary Johnson stared blankly at an interviewer and said, “What’s an Aleppo?”

Seriously, folks. What’s an Aleppo when you’ve got important things to cover, like Ferret-top talking about his failed attempt to ‘fuck’ a married Palm Beach socialite by coming onto her ‘very heavily’ with a trip to a furniture store. “How about this nice day bed, babe. We could do it in the back of the truck on the way home.” As the tape winds on, we learn his bitchin’ desire for her has waned somewhat because her new store-bought tits look too phony. This from a man who layers 15-inch strands of orange-lacquer over his bald spot every morning before slathering on a pound of fake tan gunk.

We find out on the tape that you can get away with the aging glam queen look when you have the kind of self-acclaimed, tic-tacky star power that makes every woman’s ‘pussy’ available to your touch, whether invited or not.

You’ve got to hand it to Americans. They know how to put on an election and they don’t give a shit if you have to send the kids out of the room to watch.

At one point in the CNN coverage two of the female talking heads, Anna Navarro, a no-longer-proud Republican strategist, and Trump sycophant Scottie Nell Hughes, yelled at each other over the propriety of Navarro repeating the word pussy on a prime time news show.

Sycophant Scottie, who flaunts her love affair with Christ nightly with a cross that dangles conspicuously for the cameras to catch, objected to Navarro repeating the word pussy because her daughter was watching the show. This got Navarro’s Latin blood up since only moments before Nell Hughes had defended the man she’s touting for President for using the p-word in the explicit tape that CNN was repeating every 15 minutes, dismissing it as locker room banter. Even though Ferret-top was 59 at the time of the sexist tape, Nell Hughes seemed to infer that boys will be boys.

And boy oh boy, everyone knows Republican old boys—Rush, Rudy, and Newt–like their pussy, especially when it doesn’t belong to their current wives.

With Grand Old Party stalwarts frantically tweeting their disgust in hopes of distancing themselves from Ferret-top’s badly listing ship of deplorable fools, and the Trump family–the slicked back, dim-witted duo and daddy’s hot girl Ivanka–fighting it out over damage control strategy in the gleaming tower that bears the family’s depreciating brand, CNN further titillated viewers with ‘breaking news’ banners announcing Ferret-top’s upcoming apology video.

After 12 hours of strategizing, the pussy-grabbing billionaire appeared on the TV screen in an in-house video with the production values of a 12-year-old’s birthday party, shot by uncle Albert on a first generation Huawei cell phone. He stared defiantly into the camera in a poorly lit room with a fake cityscape backdrop, his angry red face taking on a purplish hue under the orange fake tan, and read off an apology that had all the sincerity of a hostage video, before launching into an attack on Hillary for enabling Bill Clinton’s sexual depredations, which he deemed much worse than merely talking about uninvited pussy grabbing.

Is that background noise hurricane-related or is it Republican presidents Grant and Lincoln spinning in their graves? Or maybe it’s the whir from Ferret-top’s running partner’s head spinning as the ‘man-of-faith’ struggles to reconcile his funerals-for -aborted-fetuses proposal and homosexual therapy theory with the merits of extra-marital humping and uninvited pussy grabbing. But Pence shouldn’t be too worried about losing the election; he’ll never be out of work as long as Mr. Clean needs a double.

Meanwhile, CNN anchors amped up the intrigue, speculating about the timing of the tape’s release, two days before the debate. Ferret-top’s sycophants pointed their pivot fingers at the Clinton camp but this political junkie thinks the evil clown may have pulled a diabolical Machiavellian fast one by leaking the tape himself. Nobody’s talking about his taxes anymore.

The country that gave the world Hollywood and Disneyland has turned this historic PG-rated election into entertainment for the entire world with something for everyone—sex, comedy, politics, mystery, show biz and dirty talk mixed in with Christian values–everyone except for the kids of course.

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Donald Trump – Tit or Twat?

July 11, 2016 / The Meanderers Musings / 2 Comments

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Donald Trump: Tit or twat?

The above question came to mind the other day while reading the National Inquirer. Or maybe it was Us Weekly or Gawker online. Or maybe I heard about it from somebody. Anyway, it was in reference to Bill Maher’s weekly televised campaign to label the Donald a ‘Whiny Little Bitch’.

Comedian Maher, who doubles as a left wing political commentator on his HBO show Real Time, is terrified overconfident Democrats will take Trump too lightly. He hopes to rouse complacent liberal voters out of their political torpor by exhorting viewers and his live audience to take up the anti-Trump torch.

“Whiny Little Bitch,” he proclaims to television and studio audiences at the beginning of his show.

“Whiny Little Bitch,” the audience shouts back as a Twitter hashtag flashes on the bottom of the screen.

The whole thing reaches a crescendo in about 30 seconds, giving Maher self-admitted sexual pleasure.

At first the concept seemed rude and not a little crude when referencing the GOP nominee for President. After all, the man represents the party of Abraham Lincoln.

I began to ponder whether Donald Trump, who has spent a lifetime establishing a brand that shouts to the world ostentation, vulgarity and narcissism, deserved to be rebranded as a small, whimpering female dog.

To me he seemed more of a reality TV tit, or perhaps more sinisterly, a twat.

One thing is sure, the Donald stirs people’s passions, as indicated by the insults he garnered by displaying his ignorance of Scotland’s mood in the aftermath of Brexit.
The insults ranged from simple and to the point, like ‘gobshite’ and ‘clueless numpty’, to the more imaginative ‘bloviating fleshbag’ and ‘mangled apricot hellbeast’, escalating to the profane and vaguely sexual ‘weaselheaded fucknugget’ and ‘witless fucking cocksplat’ to denigrating name-plays like ‘touped fucktrumpet’ and the more disturbing ‘incomprehensible jizztrumpet,’ building momentum to the creative and evocative ‘tiny-fingered, ‘Cheeto-faced, ferret-wearing shitgibbon’.

By comparison my tit and twat debate may appear underwhelming, especially to women, who may not appreciate that in the male world calling someone a female body part carries a certain sting that the female mind might not appreciate, but does not reflect badly on women or the particular body parts.

A tit is a man who takes himself seriously while nobody else does. Tits tend to pontificate about things they know little or nothing about, which is everything that happens beyond the small bubble of their un-informed worlds. A tit constantly boasts about how well he’s doing in life, even if he’s not. Tits tend to attract easily duped bimbos, then wear them on their arms like flashy cuff-links. Tits are guys other men don’t want to hang out with, unless the other men are themselves tits. A tit is the kid who took his ball home when things didn’t go his way. A tit is hapless, feckless and strangely immune to the ridicule of others.

Twats, on the other hand, are more evil-minded. In addition to possessing most or all the unseemly characteristics of a tit, a twat is angry, mean-spirited and vengeful. A twat will screw a friend’s girlfriend and tell people about it without realizing it reveals to others that he’s a complete… well…. twat. Twats have no concept how the world views them and feel free to spew venom whenever they feel the urge. Twats are thin-skinned bullies who respond to even the slightest criticism with mean over-the-top attacks. Twats lie incessantly to cover up their shortcomings and feel no shame when caught out. A twat will do anything to get ahead in life, step on whoever gets in his way, use whatever vile means are needed to attain a goal without consideration of the hurt caused, and then use that success to lord it over others.

Hmm.

I was leaning heavily towards twat even before considering the strong resemblance the Donald’s pursed lips have to the part of the female anatomy in question. I’d noticed the likeness during one or other of his frequent televised harangues but had immediately pushed the imagery to a dark corner, not wanting to admit even to myself that I was seeing in the presumptive GOP candidate for President a mouth that looked like a shaved pussy.

By pursing his lips just so could the Donald be sending a subliminal sexual message that would explain Maher’s woody while chanting Whiny Little Bitch?

Probably not but when debating tit or twat the comparison could not be denied, especially in light of the colourful, descriptive insults coming the Donald’s way from across the pond.

It’s wasn’t much of a debate, really. All the evidence points to twat, which though evocative as a brand, is not sufficiently grandiose to capture the Trump essence.

So, with a nod to the Scots, I offer you ‘bimbo-marrying, tit-kid -conceiving, morally and financially bankrupted, bronze-tinted, orange-aircraft-carrier-headed, pussy-lipped twat.

trump lips