Donald Trump: Tit or twat?

The above question came to mind the other day while reading the National Inquirer. Or maybe it was Us Weekly or Gawker online. Or maybe I heard about it from somebody. Anyway, it was in reference to Bill Maher’s weekly televised campaign to label the Donald a ‘Whiny Little Bitch’.

Comedian Maher, who doubles as a left wing political commentator on his HBO show Real Time, is terrified overconfident Democrats will take Trump too lightly. He hopes to rouse complacent liberal voters out of their political torpor by exhorting viewers and his live audience to take up the anti-Trump torch.

“Whiny Little Bitch,” he proclaims to television and studio audiences at the beginning of his show.

“Whiny Little Bitch,” the audience shouts back as a Twitter hashtag flashes on the bottom of the screen.

The whole thing reaches a crescendo in about 30 seconds, giving Maher self-admitted sexual pleasure.

At first the concept seemed rude and not a little crude when referencing the GOP nominee for President. After all, the man represents the party of Abraham Lincoln.

I began to ponder whether Donald Trump, who has spent a lifetime establishing a brand that shouts to the world ostentation, vulgarity and narcissism, deserved to be rebranded as a small, whimpering female dog.

To me he seemed more of a reality TV tit, or perhaps more sinisterly, a twat.

One thing is sure, the Donald stirs people’s passions, as indicated by the insults he garnered by displaying his ignorance of Scotland’s mood in the aftermath of Brexit.
The insults ranged from simple and to the point, like ‘gobshite’ and ‘clueless numpty’, to the more imaginative ‘bloviating fleshbag’ and ‘mangled apricot hellbeast’, escalating to the profane and vaguely sexual ‘weaselheaded fucknugget’ and ‘witless fucking cocksplat’ to denigrating name-plays like ‘touped fucktrumpet’ and the more disturbing ‘incomprehensible jizztrumpet,’ building momentum to the creative and evocative ‘tiny-fingered, ‘Cheeto-faced, ferret-wearing shitgibbon’.

By comparison my tit and twat debate may appear underwhelming, especially to women, who may not appreciate that in the male world calling someone a female body part carries a certain sting that the female mind might not appreciate, but does not reflect badly on women or the particular body parts.

A tit is a man who takes himself seriously while nobody else does. Tits tend to pontificate about things they know little or nothing about, which is everything that happens beyond the small bubble of their un-informed worlds. A tit constantly boasts about how well he’s doing in life, even if he’s not. Tits tend to attract easily duped bimbos, then wear them on their arms like flashy cuff-links. Tits are guys other men don’t want to hang out with, unless the other men are themselves tits. A tit is the kid who took his ball home when things didn’t go his way. A tit is hapless, feckless and strangely immune to the ridicule of others.

Twats, on the other hand, are more evil-minded. In addition to possessing most or all the unseemly characteristics of a tit, a twat is angry, mean-spirited and vengeful. A twat will screw a friend’s girlfriend and tell people about it without realizing it reveals to others that he’s a complete… well…. twat. Twats have no concept how the world views them and feel free to spew venom whenever they feel the urge. Twats are thin-skinned bullies who respond to even the slightest criticism with mean over-the-top attacks. Twats lie incessantly to cover up their shortcomings and feel no shame when caught out. A twat will do anything to get ahead in life, step on whoever gets in his way, use whatever vile means are needed to attain a goal without consideration of the hurt caused, and then use that success to lord it over others.

Hmm.

I was leaning heavily towards twat even before considering the strong resemblance the Donald’s pursed lips have to the part of the female anatomy in question. I’d noticed the likeness during one or other of his frequent televised harangues but had immediately pushed the imagery to a dark corner, not wanting to admit even to myself that I was seeing in the presumptive GOP candidate for President a mouth that looked like a shaved pussy.

By pursing his lips just so could the Donald be sending a subliminal sexual message that would explain Maher’s woody while chanting Whiny Little Bitch?

Probably not but when debating tit or twat the comparison could not be denied, especially in light of the colourful, descriptive insults coming the Donald’s way from across the pond.

It’s wasn’t much of a debate, really. All the evidence points to twat, which though evocative as a brand, is not sufficiently grandiose to capture the Trump essence.

So, with a nod to the Scots, I offer you ‘bimbo-marrying, tit-kid -conceiving, morally and financially bankrupted, bronze-tinted, orange-aircraft-carrier-headed, pussy-lipped twat.