The Four Women of The Trumpocalypse

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Does anyone else find it odd, or even mildly deviant, that a Putin-loving pussy-grabber is running for President behind the blocking of a fearsome female foursome, any one of whom could bust his geezer balls without breaking enough of a sweat to muss their make-up.

To call these ladies pit bulls would be an insulting cliché and, by definition, characterize them as bitches, which is offensive, politically incorrect and would not be in keeping with the woman-sensitive winds blowing through America in the aftermath of their champion’s foul-mouthed utterances.

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It suffices to say this formidable photogenic foursome—Ann Coulter, Scottie Nell Hughes, Kaleigh McEnany and Katrina Pierson–comprise a ferocious phalanx of educated, attractive women who are as tough as tractor tires.

How tough are they?

If Ferret-top pulled his signature under-the-skirt grab with one of these women, he would no longer be cast as a groping octopus but would instead emerge better-suited for the role of Captain Hook or the one-armed man in a remake of The Fugitive. In comparison, the Fearsome Foursome make Mr. T in his prime look like Pee Wee Herman.

First up is Ann Coulter, the right wing author and political commentator who, on the far side of 50, strides through book promotion tours in knee-high black boots and a matching micro mini, looking more like The Donald’s aging dominatrix than his political mentor. A sampling  of her literary oeuvre includes Slander: Liberal Lies About the American Right; Treason: Liberal Treachery from The Cold War to the War on Terrorism;  If Democrats had any Brains They’d be Republicans and Adios America: The Left’s Plan to Turn Our Republic into an American Hellhole.

A dog-eared copy of the latter title is said to sit on the Bloviating Trumpet Blasters bedside table for easy reference, no doubt beside an autographed copy of Coulter’s latest offering In Trump We Trust.

How tough is she? The Cornell-educated lawyer is so tough Ferret-top defers to her for insult advice.

The angelic face of the Donald’s most recognizable TV defender, Kayleigh McEnany, belies an iron will that refuses to break, bend, or even wilt a little while defending the Old Orange Groper against all-comers. Night after night, through a soiled laundry list of allegations including tax fraud, bigotry, a bromance with Putin, and a university fraud scam, with accusations of sexual assault piling atop one another, she stands by her man in the face of his daily campaign foibles, staring implacably at the camera with her crucifix prominently displayed to ward off left wing devils.

McEnany has impressive credentials. A Harvard Law School graduate, she holds a BSFS in International Politics from the Georgetown University School of Foreign Service. She studied politics and international relations at Oxford University. She recently told CNN’s millions of worldwide viewers, which presumably includes old classmates and professors from Harvard and Oxford, without the slightest flinch, that Donald Trump has turned his life over to the Lord.

How tough is she? Tougher than getting an unsecured bank loan to start a porcupine petting zoo.

Like McEnany, the androgynously named Scottie Nell Hughes, who bills herself on her website as a journalist and patriot, is willing to wade through a sea of salt water alligators in defense of the Old Orange Octopus’ right to swim the wrong way on women’s issues. She faces down every perceived threat with a barely concealed sneer before effortlessly pivoting to the right on all questions about her man’s suitability for America’s top job.

She advertises her ‘woman of faith’ status with a crucifix and recently engaged in an on-air shouting match over fellow Republican Anna Navarro’s right to use the word pussy in front of her daughter, who was watching at home. Chastising a Republican strategist for repeating her candidate’s taped pussygate utterances takes real balls.

She graduated Magna Cum Laude from the University of Tennessee at Martin with a degree in broadcast communications/political science and in 2013 was named one of the Top Twenty Hottest Conservative Women in the New Media by Right Wing News.

How tough is Scottie Nell Hughes? Tougher than the rusted steel track on a rock pit bulldozer.

Katrina Pierson, the raven-haired Munster mom look-alike, is arguably the most fearsome of this ferocious foursome. She has a black-eyed laser stare that is said to chill alcoholic drinks and turn mud puddles to ice from 50 yards. So fierce is her demeanor she could win a cage fight with Mike Tyson through visual intimidation.

Born into poverty to a 15-year-old mother and black father, she graduated from the University of Texas at Dallas with a bachelor of biology. A Texan who ‘found her people’ while attending her first Tea Party meeting, she shoots indiscriminately from ruby red lips. She also tweets with the fervour of her boss and has refused to apologize for a 2013 online exchange that included: “This corrupt country has a head Negro in charge.”

She showed up for a CNN interview with a necklace of bullets to support the NRA and has threatened to wear a fetus necklace to shame godless liberals. When asked about Ferret-top’s primary campaign proposal to ban Muslims she replied, succinctly, “So what, they’re Muslims.”

How tough is Katrina Pierson? So tough they named a hurricane after her

Serial groping allegations aside, one thing is certain even to the Old Orange Octopus’ worst critics, he respects these gals.

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